THIS PAGE IS NOT A BLOG, IT IS A JOURNAL

I can't blame you if you already have enough of the troubles I caused you. I understand your feelings, and I am sorry for making you feel that way. I also respect whatever your decisions will be in that matter. 

2 years ago, I witnessed how you managed to stand up even the people around you are jerks and bullshits. And because of that I admired you, and I started dreaming of becoming your friend. There come a time that I felt you dnt like me, I still forced myself on you.
That's why I gave you kumo no yuri's. That's the first time you hugged me, I was shocked I didn't know you're doing silly stuffs like that too.

Anyway I am just saying this to let you know why I wanted you to become my friend. And because of that, I don't want to hurt you anymore.

There is one thing I need to confess to you before we go in different paths.

I consulted a friend when I saw your wallpost. And that I said to him, "My definition of having a best friend is way too selfish." Akala ko pwedeng ako lang ng ako, hindi pala pwede yun. May sarili ka nga rin palang buhay. I've only realized it now. Sorry for abusing your kindness. 
Then my friend told me, "pwede naman yun e. kung talagang close kayo." It is clear to me that this is not the right answer to my questions. Sorry Friend! But in someway, he has a point.

Dear, I just realized that I cannot drink even just a can of beer with you. You'll hate that. What else would've happen if I asked you to drink tequila with me. I cannot do that to you. You haven't heard the story of my exes. There is a lot of things I haven't told you because I am too afraid that you will never look at me the way you looked at me before. My point is we both don't know each other yet.

I think being a bestfriend is quite a hard job. Remember you asked me why I don't want a boyfriend? This. This is a very good example of the reason why I don't want a boyfriend. I don't know how to handle relationships. I am too irresponsible and immature when it comes to these things. Sorry. But I hope we can still be friends someday. :D

P.S:
Dear, I am one of the things you don't deserve.

I feel like writing on my journal again.
I can't let it out. I just can't find a person whom I can tell it.

I have a friend let's just call her "Rin"(not her real name). 
She became my classmate this school year. I never thought we will be close friends, but we always have bonding moments, so I think that's the reason why we got so close to each other.
I have another close friend let's just call her "Ra"(sorry, I can't tell their real names) Eversince me and Rin became close, she got mad at me. Even to Rin. She always make us hear that "Let's get out of here, she already got a new friend". She's getting mean whenever I see her. We are ok for one minute and few more minutes she's mad again. This annoying mood makes me want to stay away from her. Of course, this time she's really mad. I know I got a new friend but it doesn't mean that I replace her already. I just want to have lots of friends. And so, with the help of some friends we make it out.

BUT NOW..... the same thing happened again. I had a new friend although I already knew her before, she's a sophomore, we live in the same village let's call her "Sica". Sica has some problems regarding her class. She told me that her classmates is bugging her. Since then, I tried to protect her, I let her come inside our classroom since my classmate always welcome her. So I thought that everything is fine. But it's not. When I realized where did Rin is gone too, Ra and my other friends told me that she went home early. Ra told me that Rin is annoyed. My other friend who's with Rin all the time that I'm with Sica told me that it's about Sica, it's like what happened with me and Ra before is happening between me and Rin. It's harder this time. She doesn't tell me what she really feels, unlike Ra who tells what's on her mind. It's hard to make a conclusion. She acts that nothing is wrong but it's obvious that she's moving away. Today we didn't talk too much. It's like that we have no bonds. Just an ordinary acquaintance. I think It's better if she tell it to me. She never give chance to me to be with her. So when she's gone I'm with Sica. I can't tell this situation to Sica. Everything might get worse. But really. I am trying to be a good friend of everyone. I can't say sorry, because I can't tell what's on her mind. I just realized "don't I have the right to have lots of friends?" Sorry if posting this in publice bugs your f-lists, I need to seek your advices to resolve this problem.